graceful outsider

i know she meant well. I know he meant well. it's just never easy to prepare yourself for some conversations. the days aren't predictable where i may be a walking disaster seconds from exploding into tears. I have been so sobered by this journey in so many ways. i never realized how many conversations happen where the majority is the right or only voice, how many great, natural dialogues exclude consciousness of any marginalized group that may be present. 

maybe you are single or divorced, maybe poor or stressed, maybe you don't actually care about sports (i know this one is unbelievable) or politics, maybe you are infertile, maybe you aren't southern, BUT you must endure conversation after conversation that assume you fit into the majority, the happily married fertile family that cheers for Carolina and eats fried green tomatoes and grits and buys Vera Bradley bags in their stress free 3 figure salary family. 

what i have realized isn't that we shouldn't say nothing to make sure and offend no one. we shouldn't read up daily on the PC language. we shouldn't only have conversations that include the majority.  i have been so humbled to realize that i should be more aware and available to who is around me. I should be more bold and willing to look them in the eye too, to realize even if we are in the middle of a conversation on marriage, that i could risk asking the single person their thoughts too. they aren't invisible and have so much to contribute. they dream too. 

while volunteering in sunday school i was asked if had children. i answered no. moments later i said but we are actually in the adoption process now. the person then asked me, "by choice?" in a bit of confusion but also trust in their good nature, i answered, "yes, and we aren't able to have children." she then proceeded to tell me two stories, back to back of people she knew who adopted and then by a miracle got pregnant. I appreciated her stories and her kind heart to relate with me. i just felt oddly pricked and unknown as i seem to feel CONSTANTLY in this season. Because here's the deal - We choose to adopt. They will be our children. They are not less than or second best. We in fact as parents are not less than. I am not waiting to get pregnant, I am waiting to visit an orphanage in Peru and meet our child.  As weird as it may sound, i do not prefer the miracle of pregnancy at this present time, i prefer the miracle of adoption. 

I have two other examples from yesterday alone. you don't even want to hear them, you will feel bad for these persons. 

we can't know everything when we are talking to friends or strangers. we can't understand a million world views. we can't pretend to be in a circumstance. we also can't think the world is out to get us with some ignorant conversations or with the silence. we CAN look around us, we can RISK asking more questions, talking less, trying to recognize and appreciate difference. I have never been in an "out" group in my entire life and i want to be here gracefully. I am motivated to try this.