Grey

This weekend, I am wrestling with the greys in this process. 

we went to Greensboro yesterday for an informational meet and greet with the attorney from one of the agency's we're considering. He is the attorney on the ground in Peru taking care of the legal aspects of the adoption process for this agency. It was a very informative time for ash and I as we try to make a decision on country/agency. We learned more about the process there in Peru and it was well worth the trip. I'm sure Ash will write more about our time and the details throughout this week so I'll stop there.

these shades of grey I mentioned are questions like: "How do you make a big decision when there is no right (or wrong) answer?" "How do you determine whether God is guiding you in a particular direction or whether He's just asking you to trust Him?" Or the shades are emotions like: excitement and fear all at once, and Joy in the journey ahead but still mourning the loss thus far. These shades of grey fill my head and surface when my I get a moment to pause. they are not black and white items that can be figured out and checked off and then i can move on. They are hard to get my mind wrapped around.

in the absence of a black and white answer or emotion, I am trying to look for the good in the greys. Black and white photos are full of greys and we love the richness of the moment they convey. Grey stormy skies bring me sweet memories of a life I once lived in Portland. Grey "feelings" like those times where you've just argued with your spouse and you're hurt but couldn't love them more. These greys are good. And even more, I take comfort in a God who provides, who is constant and who loves me.

So I'm going to keep wrestling and see what happens. These greys (or grays, see even the word's spelling is ambiguous) tend to be where the color shows up in my like, where my heart is stretched and the conversations go a little deeper. I'll keep you posted. ~stephen